The Good, Bad, and the Tragic

So a lot has gone on since my last blog (I am a bad blogger). I honestly don't even know where to start.

Michael deployed and a few weeks later I found out that we were pregnant. I ended up miscarrying which by far has been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I don't think that I have ever felt such a sense of loss before in my life. The feelings get easier by the day, but I am still not there yet. I can't look at pregnant women without the strong urge to lose my composure.

Damien got huge it is amazing how fast he grew. He loves to run and play with his Thomas toys. His new favorite movies are Madagascar, and Good Boy. He watched them over and over every day. He still isn't talking which is drawing my concern, I will be discussing testing with his doctor when we go for his 2 year check-up. Everyone else thinks that there is nothing wrong and that I am overreacting but I would rather overreact than not react at all. If there is something wrong I would like to get him help as soon as possible.

Midian and Misfit are great, and Mayhem is living up to her name. She is still insane. She recently went for her spaying. I requested that they give me medication to further sedate her during her healing period. I felt that she would be the one to tear her stitches from being her insane self. The gave me Acetazolamide, which is dangerous for Boxers, I was really pissed off about this considering I asked them if the medication was safe for her when they handed it to me at the office. I couldn't remember the name of the drug that was dubbed unsafe for use in boxers, so when I got home I looked it up, and sure enough it was the drug that they had given me.

I have been having thoughts about leaving that doctor's office but this was definitely a wake up call which made me think that I will be making the right decision in switching them to a new doctor. It is sad because I have been using them for 4 years now with all 3 of my dogs, they have changed so much.

On to the miscarriage....

I started lightly spotting on a Friday night, and wasn't too concerned at first because spotting is normal. When it became more frequent throughout Saturday is when I decided to go to the hospital. My mother came and got me and Daniel stayed here with Damien. It was 9 at night so Damien was sleeping, I wasn't too concerned leaving him with Daniel under those circumstances. Anyway, we get to the hospital and they check me in. After about 20 minutes they call me in, and put me in a crawlspace of a room, with blood on the floor. It was quite disgusting. The PA came in and did the preliminary exam she told me that the attending was going to come in to do a pelvic. He did, and this guy was a jerkoff. He did the pelvic and then told me in a rather nasty way that if I was miscarrying then I am miscarrying and thereis nothing that they can do to stop it. I know that there are protocols for people who are miscarrying and what he said to me wasn't it. They sent me to have an ultrasound and the tech couldn't find the baby. This made Dr. Asshole think that it was ectopic. A half hour after I sent my mom home he decided to release me.

I went to my doctor on Monday to get my blood test done to check my Hcg levels. She called me back 2 days later and told me that they dropped and that I was indeed miscarrying. The next day my bed looked like a crimescene. There was blood everywhere, it was unreal. Any woman who has ever gone through this deserves a medal. I think the reason that it hit me so hard, is because the baby was due on Christmas. I already have a child and I know what I am missing out on, so I think that bothered me even further.